How Not To Write A Pitch

The verdict's in - my pitch sucked big-time. (Of course, Donna Alward never insinuated this.) Didn't make Top 11 let alone Top 5. So what did I do wrong - boy, where do I start?

Lesson 1. Do not make your pitch too long.
This is me we're talking about - difficulty writing short and succinctly. Whether it's writing fiction or writing progress notes at work. Same problem, different context.

Lesson 2. If you have a hook such as a Marriage of Convenience, make sure you make the need for said MoC personal.
For instance, my hero needs a MoC to convince the board members he should be elected next CEO of the family business. They're old-fashioned and don't like his playboy reputation so have doubts about him being focused enough, dependable and responsible to take over the helm.
This is not enough - why should his personal relationships have anything to do with his professional capabilities? No, what my hero needs is a more personal reason for the MoC.

Lesson 3. Ensure you include why the heroine would fall in love with the hero - and make sure the reasons tie into the story. Being caring, passionate and believing in the heroine is not enough.

Fortunately, the lovely and generous Donna Alward had some extremely helpful suggestions on how to tighten the hook and the story. She was very encouraging.

But I must admit, bombing out with my pitch brought me back down to earth with a thud of the meteoric kind. After all the rumenating and planning and brainstorming, it was discouraging to realise how weak the motivation for the MoC still is.

I feel like I'm trying to make my characters fit into boxes by manufacturing reasons why they need this MoC. And by doing so, I've lost sight of my characters, what they want, and why I even wanted to write this story in the first place.

I'm mulling over the possibility of going back and starting from scratch. At the begining, there was no MoC in sight. Fake fiancee for a month did not have high enough stakes, according to my writing teacher. Let's up the stakes - how about a MoC for six months?

And after struggling with this story for months and months and months, getting lost in the reams of notes on my characters, their conflict, and the story, I'm considering doing something I never said I would do....give up completing the ms.

The process has been so messy, the writing has stalled on a number of occasions as aspects of the story feel 'off'. I long for the freedom of writing a shitty and fast first draft. Not trying to strive for perfection in the first three chapters before I continue with the story.

Unfortunately, I need to continue with the story the way I have been for the purpose of my writing course. I need to submit a third chapter, a love scene, a synopsis and a query letter. Which seems like such a waste, considering I won't be submitting this as a partial but plan to start all over again.